The first two scenes reminded me of war, of
dead bodies, of loss, of grief. Then this line of thought got interrupted by
scenes of threat, abuse, and blackmail. With that the quality of the film
material got worse. The last scene was even difficult to see through all those
stains. I watched it a couple of times and was reassured about my impressions
of the first two scenes. But the third was not any clearer to me, yet. A few
times later I noticed a man in the bottom right corner, kneeling, looking at
the man and the woman at the wall. The next time I saw him, he was lying on the
floor. Does he play to be dead? Why would he do that? Is that man not only
threatening and abusing the woman but has also taken other people hostage?
Well, I could not make sense of these pictures. I do not even get a connection
between the metaphors. Death, loss, grief, and then abuse, hostage-taking…
The music perfectly fits the first two scenes
with regard to the metaphor war. Watching the third scene I do not really get
rid of that mental image “war”. It confuses me even more that the music says
something else than the pictures.
Then I start to weigh death and threat against
each other. What is worse? I guess threat must be worse, at least according to
Bill Morrison, since the film material is worse. Or does it mean that dead is
more absolute, clearer, than threat?
What could that mean with regard to all the
abandoned films? Rather dead, once and for all, than under the steady threat of
decay? Well, that sounds good in the first place, but there is a downside.
Let’s make a comparison: I’d, for myself, be
rather dead than live the rest of my life threatened by a disease or kidnapper.
But my family might rather see me alive; spend at least a couple more years
with them, battling for example cancer, not being in the best physical
condition, but at least being with them.
So, even if it was easier to just let the film
material die, some people will try to keep it alive – probably for their own sake.
Maybe there are some memories stored on that film reel, maybe even memories of
loved ones, maybe dead by now.
The idea of storing memories on pictures or
film immediately reminds me of a very interesting person I once met. He was
travelling around the world, of course spending a lot of money and time on
adventures and activities; but he would not run around the most beautiful
places of the world and take pictures, he would just sit there, watch it
closely, until the picture and the memory with it, is burned right into the
retina of his eye and stored in his brain – forever. He said that he does not
want to see these beautiful places through a lens, but recognize them as they
are and keep that stronger memory in mind. He also said that one would remember
things better having looked at them closely instead of through a lens.
Back then I was very puzzled. I never thought
this was a possibility for me but at the same time I felt admiration for this,
in a way also absolute, way of thinking and acting. Once you lose a memory or a
mental image – it is gone: forever!
Now I’m left with that feeling of being
puzzled again, reconsidering many of the things I do and how I do them.
Clearly, nothing is clearer to me now than it was before!
PS: I chose this typeface on purpose. If I do
not see it clearly, you shall not see it clearly, too ;)
Ann-Kristin Angermüller