Wow, I had never imagined my life ending so fast. Lying here on the bed, watching my life pass by. It was only yesterday when I thought about how happy I am- or was? But now? How could I be so stupid, just get into a car and drive away! Wait, why stupid? We were happy!Off for a road trip! Now I am lying here. Here, on the hospital bed. My head is aching. There is a loud pounding and some shrieking. I have thought about how it is to die very often. Is it like a train rushing by? Watching my own life passing by? There it is again that sound…the train passing by. We thought we would make it over the tracks. Doesn’t everybody describe dying as looking through a tunnel and at the end there is a light? Well, I guess not. It is a carousel. My parents and Iare making it turn. My parents were the ones who started it, this circle of life. Just like in the Lion King. Hakunamatata, or is it not? My parents starting and pushing this circle of life- my circle of life- my carousel. We three in the middle- the three musketeers.The little wagons on the carousel are the different stages in life- in my life. Oh look, it’s me on my first day of school. And there’s me and my best friend Romeo- Romeo and Julia. Wow, me starting to walk- my first steps- it was such a long time ago. The time is passing, no running by. That train! What is it doing in my mind again? I hear it coming closer but I knew we would make it over the tracks…The carousel with my life- why a carousel? Can’t it be something else? There, in the background! The church I got baptized in and the barn house we always went to in summer vacation- my parents and me! The three musketeers! Yesterday, oh yesterday- all my troubles seemed so far away! We were so happy! In love! Love is what keeps us alive- I thought! Well it really is what kills us- at least in my case. Yes we were very happy yesterday. He had just received his driver’s license. And his new car! I see our families in the background- in the background of the carousel? No, they are standing behind us and waving, we were going to do our first road trip! I see them in the background; they are waving and getting smaller and smaller! And there’s that train again, rolling on the country side, passing by. That noise- I will never forget it. My hair was blowing in the wind- just like the answer? Was it blowing in the wind, my friend? Did it know what was going to happen? We were just about to pass the train tracks with our car, and the light was turning red. We knew we would make it over in time- but I guess the wind knew better! The answer is blowing in the wind! My mother’s favorite song! There she is again pushing the carousel. She is in the middle, giving life and love to me. And now she has to watch how it is taken away from me? That is not right! That is not the correct circle of life! She has to die before me….And I have to give birth to a child before I die. Yes, we were so happy yesterday! He was the right one- we wanted to have children together. And now? Who interfered in my circle of life? The train! Again! Yes, it is the train! Technology has interfered in our natural circle of life. It is coming to an end! We thought we would make it but the train was faster! I hear the shrieking of its horn. We were almost over the tracks but the train interfered. It hit us! Oh shit, my head really hurts and what is that pain in my chest? Here I am, lying on the bed! Me and my thoughts! My life passing by like a carousel with beloved memories – waving goodbye to me! Listen, my heart is pumping- pumping for love, for my family, for the last time…
Tabea Maria Teichert